Great Aunt Who?
by blue artemis
Summary: Hermione inherits something she finds hideous but Lucius just adores it.


"It's hideous! I really have to _display _this?"

"Yes, Mrs. Malfoy, you really have to display that family heirloom in order to get the rest of your inheritance from your Great-Aunt Melissande." Mr. Solesbury, the family attorney managed to sound both patient and put-upon.

"I have no idea how I'm going to explain this to my husband-anyway, I will take it home and find someplace to display that. I really enjoyed the preliminary items I received from her estate, and I will honor this request as well. Many thanks, Mr. Solesbury."

Hermione left the meeting completely disturbed. She had no idea how she was going to explain the monstrosity she was holding to her husband. It was not only bronze, and ugly, but... _Bloody __hell__, __did__ that__ figure__ have __an __erect __penis__?_ She Apparated home still trying to think of how to explain it to Lucius.

"Hello, my love, how did it go?"

"I get the rest of her estate as long as I am willing to display this." Hermione held the monstrous artifact up to her husband, having decided, as usual, that her Gryffindor tendencies would be the best in this case.

"Was your great aunt a witch, Hermione?"

"Not that I know of, Lucius, but then, I barely knew her."

"Her name, love?"

"Melissande Von Grange. She refused to Anglicize the name."

"You are a Von Grange?"

"Yes, my Great-Grandfather was Heinrich Von Grange. My Grandfather changed it when they came to England, to Granger. My Father thought about changing it back, but decided to honor his father's decision. Wait, why does this even matter, Lucius? And why did that thing make you ask me that question?"

"This is an original piece of erotic wizarding art. It is one of twelve unique pieces made by Hermann der Spiegel."

"Hermann the Mirror?"

"These pieces of art have a series of complex charms no one has ever been able to unravel. It is said that Hermann sold eleven and gave the twelfth to his mistress, a rather powerful yet temperamental witch named Melissande. She was far younger than he was, but no one knew her surname nor if she had any family. This is such a delight, my love!"

As Lucius reached out to take the now interesting heirloom from Hermione, both their hands touched around the base of it. After they set it down on the mantel, the art began to move, the figures began to change, until they looked quite a bit like Lucius and Hermione. All of a sudden the male figure pulled the female into his arms quite passionately, then pressed her against the wall and fucked her into a rather violent orgasm.

Hermione turned to Lucius rather wide-eyed. "Let me guess; that is what you wanted to do?"

Lucius nodded.

"I think I get the mirror part."

A trunk popped into the room, with a note attached.

_My __dearest __Hermione__, _

_I__'__ve __followed __your__ life__ since __the __first __day __you __appeared __in__ the __Daily __Prophet__. __I__ know__ you __were__ forced __to __marry__ Lucius __Malfoy __due __to __that __silly __law__, __but__ it __seems __you __have __made __it __work__, __at __least __quite __a __bit__ better __than__ some__ others__, __but__ then__ we __Von __Grange __witches __do __have __a __talent __for __coming __out __on __top__. __You __can __ask __that __handsome__ husband__ of __yours__ about __that__. __Anyway__, __my __dearest__, __it__ was__ safer __for __you __to __stay __the __dotty __great__-__aunt __and __never __let __on __that __I __was __a __witch__. __It __would __have__ made __your __youth __even __more __difficult__, __if __you __can__ imagine__. __All __of __what __was __mine__, __I __now__ give __to __you__. __And __if __your __husband __looks __like__ his __eyeballs __are__ about __to __fall __out __of __his __head__, __well__, __yes__, __those __are __the __missing __Malfoy__ sapphires__. __I __rather __unblushingly __made __myself __a__ very __good __life __as __a __courtesan__. __But __my __very __first __love __was __Hermann__, __and __that __is __why __you __should __display __the __art__. __As __long __as __you __two __are __happy__, __the __figures __will __appear __as __yourselves__. _

_Much__ love__,_

_Melissande __Von __Grange_

_P__.__S__. __Be__ proud __of __those __curls__, __love__. __You__ must __be __a __powerful __witch __with __hair __as __bushy __as __yours__._

"She was THE Melissande. It does explain a lot, doesn't it?"

"Explain what, Lucius?"

"First off, in the last 1200 years, any side with a Von Grange witch on it has never lost a war. The power Harry Potter knew not may very well have been you. Secondly, the hair. It seems one of your ancestors had a thing for curly hair and somehow charmed his bloodline to produce curly hair on the witches. The curlier the hair, the more powerful the witch. Lastly, Melissande was a powerful, exciting courtesan and many wizards did what they could to curry her favor. It appears one of my ancestors managed, at least for a while."

"What does this change, Lucius? According to British law, I'm still a Muggle-born."

"Yes, my love, but it does advance Severus's theory that there is no such thing as a true Muggle-born, and that all of you have some magical ancestry."

"Wonderful. I am pleased to be able to advance his theory. Now, what has that unholy look of glee in your eyes?"

"My child is going to be very powerful! A Von Grange!"

"Lucius, if I didn't know any better, I would swear you were going to do a happy dance."

"Like a Polka?"

"Nevermind."

* * *

Many thanks to Southern_Witch_69 for the beta!

Prompt from La Muse Amusant: 1. The character of your choice is forced to accept a very odd-and very unwanted-family heirloom.

Author's Note: The name Von Grange and the possibility of Hermione coming from a prominent Squib has tickled my fancy ever since I read it in amr's _Snape__'__s__Boon_. It is a great story, and that bit is an homage to one of my favorite author.


End file.
